


I can hardly breathe

by stateofdreamin



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, F/M, Panic Attacks, amy struggles with anxiety, i wanted to write about it, peraltiago is only kind of mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:17:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stateofdreamin/pseuds/stateofdreamin
Summary: Amy struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, the squad helps





	I can hardly breathe

**Author's Note:**

> So i wanted to write this ever since they mentioned Amy's anxiety in the weddin episode. It's short, and i wrote it quickly now at 6am so it's not that good, but i hope you enjoy it

She has them sometimes. 

Sometimes she expects them. Those days where she's anxious snd she doesn't know why, so she busies herself in work or tries those breathing exercises her therapist recommended. (only in the privacy of the bathroom when she's at work). Or she goes out on the roof for a cigarette, not sure if the nicotine helps or makes her even more anxious. 

When she expects them, she knows when to get away from people. She knows when she needs to calm herself down, before the breathing becomes too quick, and the tears blur her vision so much she can't see her reflection in the mirror anymore. Sometimes she shakes so much she swears she can feel the sink she's holding a hard grip on shake with her. 

Sometimes she can calm herself down, other times she needs help.

When she doesn't expect them, she freaks out even harder. She doesn't want people to see her in the middle of a panic attack, she doesn't want them to see her as weak. 

The first time she has one in front of Jake, she doesn't know if she should be surprised or not over the fact that he handles it in a great way. The way he crouches down to where she's sitting, hyperventilating, trying to get her to match his breathing. The way he take her hand and places it on his chest, so she could feel his heart beating at a regular pace. How, when it was over, he told her not to worry about it after she apologized, and gave her the warmest smile she'd ever seen. 

(She chooses to be both surprised and not, because as immature he might be; he's very good with people)

She has one two months later in front of Gina and Rosa at the same time. It had been three days since she'd slept, and the case she was working on was frustrating to say the least. The clue she had followed turned out to be a wild goose chase, and she was so mad. At herself and the case, and all the emotions came to the surface just as she arrived back in the precinct. 

She ran past Rosa and Gina to the bathroom, slammed the door behind her and sat down on the toilet as she ran her hands through her hair. The exhaustion, frustration and the lack of proper food for two days was getting too much and she couldn't take it. So she was sitting there, trying to cath her breath and stop shaking as she heard the door open. She didn't look up. but she knew who it was.

(They were good at helping her, not as good as jake, but good. The only time they were a little freaked out was when it was over, but the nausea caught up on her and she kneeled in front of the bathroom as she threw up. Gina held her hair back, from a little distance.) 

She had one in front of Holt, when Jake and Rosa were in prison and she was at dinner with him and his husband. They invited her at least once a week, because even though they didn't really talk about it, they missed Jake and Rosa more than words could describe. Cheddar had been a little (cute) obstacle, but she took her allergy medicine before she went over so it was fine.

But as much as the not-talking-about-jake-and-rosa-situation thing they had going on was comfortable, bottling up her emotions wasn't good. So it happened after dinner, as Amy and Holt did the dishes, Holt had made a little joke about something that reminded him of Jake and everything Amy felt came up to the surface.

Holt was calm and collected, because apparently he struggled with them as well, since he was a teenager. Which helped her not to feel as embarrassed as she normally would be. He handed her a glass of water when it was over, and talked to her about a book he'd think she'd be interested in.

Amy has struggled with anxiety and panic attacks since she was a teenager, and the stress from wanting to be the best one out of her sibilngs caught up to her. She had them in front of Jake in the privacy of their bedroom, as she woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare about Jake being back in prison, or back in Florida, or undercover again only this time he didn't come back alive. And he held her as she calmed down. 

She struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, but she wasn't alone. She had her family, the one at home and at work, and she wasn't alone. They understood, they helped, and she couldn't be more grateful for them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment saying what you think, it would mean a lot


End file.
